Want to be on the Supreme Court? Don't be a Sagittarius

I took a break from Senator Fight Club this week to put some attention into another stupid project of mine. We all know I’ve done some work on the Supreme Court in the past, and this past weekend, I was playing the Sims when I got a life-changing text from my friend Domenique, which said:

“Bella idk if you listen to Lovett or Leave It but there was a woman doing the horoscopes of the Presidents in an excel sheet and now I want to do it for SCOTUS justices.”

I love both the Supreme Court and astrology, because I am a law student and a homosexual. I figured this was a hilarious way to combine those two interests, and maybe gain a deeper insight into the type of person most likely to become a Supreme Court justice.

I wanted to do every judges sun and moon signs, since it’s really the combination of sun and moon where astrology shines. That is where we really start to understand personality. Plus, I knew a great site that has broken down every single sun and moon combination and written a couple paragraphs about each of them. The site is shockingly accurate, and I have no way to link it, you just google your sun and moon and then click the link from Universal Tao E-Products. Here’s mine.

Tragically, however, every moon sign calculator on the internet only goes back to 1900. Which, I get it, it’s unlikely that anyone would be looking for the moon signs of people born in 1745. That put a bit of a damper in that plan, so I just found everyone’s sun sign. With 114 justices, I already had my work cut out for me.

A quick breakdown of the signs before we dive into analysis:

Aries: 12 justices, including my beloved Frank Murphy and Sandra Day O’Connor.
Taurus: 10 justices, with the great William Brennan and John Paul Stevens
Gemini: 9 justices, one being Benjamin N. Cardozo
Cancer: 7 justices, two of them being the only two black justices to ever sit on the court, Thurgood Marshall and Clarance Thomas as well as Sonia Sotomayor
Leo: 7 justices, both Anthony Kennedy and Stephen Breyer
Virgo: 10 justices, Taft and Neil Gorsuch
Libra: 8 justices, William Douglas and William Rehnquist have something else in common, beyond their first names
Scorpio: 10 justices, both Felix Frankfurter and Louis Brandeis
Sagittarius: 4 justices, and no one you will know
Capricorn: 9 justices, almost no one of note (sorry Capricorns) except our nation’s first chief justice, John Jay
Aquarius: 11 justices, which has the amazingly talented writer Robert Jackson and…Brett Kavanaugh. Real highs and lows as an Aquarius
Pisces: 16 justices, including best friends forever, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia
Unknown: 1, I can’t find James Moore Wayne’s birthday! If anyone knows it, leave it in the comments.

For more on what this all means, let’s say hello to our Astrology Correspondent (and my new girlfriend) Anna!

Me: Anna hello, thank you for virtually being here. Let’s start with the most pressing question. Why so few Sagittariuses on the court?

Anna: Sagittariuses are constantly seeking something new and have a hard time staying in one place. Whether it’s their geographical location, career or relationships, they just can’t seem to stay put. And because being a judge (and the journey to become a judge, for that matter) is such a long commitment, most Sagittariuses would have a very difficult time focusing on one goal for so long.

Me: Makes sense. No disrespect to my Sagittarius readers. You could be the ones to break this stereotype. Now, there are sixteen Pisces on the court. I think I speak for everyone when I say “What??? I thought the Pisces were supposed to be flighty poets?”

Anna: Pisces are a mutable sign, so that allows them to see multiple viewpoints, which is helpful for a judge. I also think Pisces are very persuasive individuals, which is something that really helps in the courtroom. They also tend to believe very intensely in what they do. So if they go into law, they live and breath law, which is a likely characteristic of someone who wants to be a judge.

Me: Do you feel a kinship with fellow Scorpio, Benjamin Curtis, who wrote one of two dissents in Dred Scott, and after the court declared black people to not be citizens, resigned from the court in protest?

Anna: Oh boy. Is he the only Scorpio?

Me: No, you also share a sign with Harry Blackmun, who wrote Roe v. Wade, Louis Brandeis, the first Jewish justices, and Felix Frankfurter, who kind of sucks.

Anna: As far as Benjamin Curtis, I think I would have also potentially thrown a hissy fit in that situation. Scorpios are quietly competitive and hate when things don’t go the way we want them to. So when crossed, Scorpios feel a massive need to bite back, more to satisfy ourselves than to purposefully inflict pain. Resigning in protest is very much a way for Benjamin Curtis to feel like he’s the one who ended up on top and wasn’t hurt by the deicison.

Me: Wait, I should clarify. He was in the right, the decision was bad.

Anna: My answer is the same. it doesn’t matter who was actually right or not. It’s feelings based.

Me: Got it. The second most represented group on the court is Aries, followed by Aquarius. I for one am surprised to see so many of my sign, known for being weirdos, represented on the Court.

Anna: I’m not.

Me: Are you just saying that because you know I’d be good on the Supreme Court?

Anna: Listen. Aquarius people tend to be more stubborn, allowing them to argue in a courtroom. They are also, unlike Scorpios, able to detach from what’s going on. Aquarius have this incredible ability to temporarily remove themselves emotionally from the situation, allowing them to make an educated and justice decisions. Additionally, a lot of Aquarius are humanitarian in a sense. They want to help the greater good of mankind, either in a specific population or a broader sense. They also have the ability to kind of look through the external layer of what is going on and see a little bit deeper, which I imagine is very beneficial in a courtroom.

I’m really stressing the fact that my only reference of the law is Law and Order and the one time I went to the capitol in third grade to put on a mock trial about chewing gum.

But yeah. You Aquariuses fucking love freedom.

Me: Did you know Brett Kavanaugh is an Aquarius?

Anna: Sorry.

Me: It’s ok, I’m moving past it. He has a Gemini moon, so at least we don’t have that in common. John Marshall is a SUCH a Gemini. Anyone who completely changes the functions of the Supreme Court has big Gemini energy. Am I wrong?

Anna: Geminis have to know everything. They will research something for eighteen years if it’s the only way to get all of the information. They’re also some of the smartest in the zodiac, I think. And there isn’t anything they love more than a fresh take on something. So it makes sense that Marshall’s through process was like “hmm how can I revamp this and make it so that I can research things constantly?” And it also fits that they would go into law, seeing as they are intellectuals, like to know the hot gossip, and can also easily detach themselves from what is going on around them.

Me: My new favorite judge, Frank Murphy, is a gay Aries. Thoughts?

Anna: Oh I love a gay Aries. Probably my favorite sign besides my own. They’re known as a very aggressive sign. Very action based people, and they don’t necessarily think anything through. If you think about it, all the signs represent ages throughout the lifespan and Aries are the children of the zodiac. Children act without thinking and once they get an idea they just go with it, and they’re quicker to fight. They tend to be one of the more confident signs of the zodiac as well.

Me: Honestly? That’s so Frank. Ok, lighting round for the signs we haven’t done. Cancer and Leo, the two least represented signs after Sagittarius, with only 7 justices each.

Anna: Cancers are moody and sensitive, which would be hard in a courtroom. They can’t detach as well as signs like Gemini and Aquarius, nor internalize like Scorpios. Leos I think want more glory than one would get typically being in the law. But they are pretty good leaders and very convincing, so I’m kind of surprised they’re low.

Me: Taurus! Ten of them, including justices like Brennan, Stevens, Kagan, and John Marhsall Harlan II.

Anna: Although Taurus is a stubborn sign, they’re also one of the most peaceful, so I’m surprised there are more Taurus than Leo.

Me: Virgos?

Anna: Virgos are grounded in nature, which I guess could be handy. They also love rules which makes law as a career make a lot of sense. But they are more introverted, so they could shy away from judging.

Me: I’d give you facts about Capricorn judges, but we haven’t had one since 1957.

Anna: My guess would be that’s because Capricorns tend not to be big risk takers. And I think you have to be at least somewhat willing to take risks to go into law. I think it’s also because they have a more narrow viewpoint than most, whereas other signs have a better ability to see multiple viewpoints.

Me: Ok the only one we haven’t heard about are Libras!

Anna: The low number surprises me! Their symbol is literally the scales, which stands for justice. It might be because Libras are the type of people who want to keep the peace no matter what. They may not have enough grit to get into law.

Me: That sounds as right as any other guess. Thank you so much Anna, you’ve been incredibly helpful. For those who want to see the full list (and get a peak at my next Supreme Court based list), the link is here. If a justice shares your birthday, I’d love to hear about it, in the comments or directly on Twitter!