Amy Klobuchar's Anger Translator

There’s truly so many angry rants I could write about the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings. Thankfully, there are smarter people than me who have already written about the impact of these hearings on survivors of sexual assault, the implications of certain questions in the hearings, and this hearing’s impact on the legitimacy of the highest court in the land.

This gives me the opportunity to focus on what I know best. Female Senators and daughters of alcoholics.

In what I thought was a particularly disgusting moment from the hearings, Senator Klobuchar (D-MN) asked Judge Brett Kavanaugh if he had ever in his life drunk so much he “couldn’t remember what happened or part of what happened the night before.”

To the senior Senator from Minnesota (who had just minutes before discussed her father’s struggles with alcoholism and his commitment to recovery) Judge Kavanaugh responded, "You're asking about blackout, I don't know, have you?"

Klobuchar: Could you answer the question, judge? So, you have, that's not happened? Is that your answer?

Kavanaugh: Yeah, and I'm curious if you have.

Klobuchar: I have no drinking problem, judge.

Kavanaugh: Nor do I.

Kavanaugh later apologized for this bizarre exchange. Sort of. It wasn’t the best apology, but if there is one thing we learned today it’s that Brett Kavanaugh isn’t great at apologies.

Senator Klobuchar graciously accepted his apology, only adding, “when you have a parent that is an alcoholic, you are pretty careful about drinking.”

Senator Amy Klobuchar is a former prosecutor who has served in the Senate for 12 years. She’s also from Minnesota, which means she’s very polite and wouldn’t dream of chewing out Brett Kavanaugh in front of God and Senator Chuck Grassley. So I would like to volunteer myself, a hot-headed New York Italian, to do it for her.

I’d like to assume the position of Amy Klobuchar’s Anger Translator.

Let’s look at this exchange again, but give Amy Klobuchar the support of an anger translator.

Klobuchar: Have you ever drunk so much you couldn’t remember what happened or part of what happened the night before?

Bella The Anger Translator: You may be the only Supreme Court nominee who has a book dedicated to some of your drunken mishaps. To say you’ve never been even a little blackout drunk would be an easily disprovable lie.

Kavanaugh: You're asking about blackout, I don't know, have you?

Klobuchar: Could you answer the question, judge? So, you have, that's not happened? Is that your answer?

Bella The Anger Translator: I am not the one interviewing for a lifetime appointment on the highest court in the land. If credible allegations surface about my behavior, and allege that I committed a violent crime while blackout drunk, I will answer to the people of Minnesota when I am up for re-election. It is wholly inappropriate that you turn this line of questioning back on me, as if you were a five year old child using the classic “I know you are but what am I?”

For you to ask me if I have ever been blackout drunk demonstrates what we all know—that you are not taking these proceedings seriously. This allegation is not a joke, these proceedings are not a joke, and your behavior is not something to laugh about.

Kavanaugh: Yeah, and I'm curious if you have.

Klobuchar: I have no drinking problem, judge.

Bella The Anger Translator: Judge, Amy Klobuchar has lived with alcoholics. She knows people who have been assaulted. She’s prosecuted rapists. So believe me when I tell you, Judge, you have the personality of an entitled rapist. To keep trying to get something from a woman who is clearly uninterested? Can’t imagine where else that shows up in your life.

Kavanaugh: Nor do I.

Bella The Anger Translator: YOUR RELUCTANCE TO ANSWER THE QUESTION OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE EVER BEEN BLACKOUT DRUNK MAKES ME BELIEVE YOU HAVE INDEED BEEN BLACKOUT DRUNK AND THUS CANNOT SAY FOR SURE WHETHER OR NOT YOU ASSAULTED DR. BLASEY FORD.

Kavanaugh: I responded by asking her a question and I didn't -- I'm sorry I did that. This is a tough process. I'm sorry about that.

Klobuchar: I appreciate that. I would like to add that when you have a parent that's alcoholic you're pretty careful about drinking.

Bella The Anger Translator: 50% OF THE COUNTRY CALLED. THEY SAID YOU WON’T BE THE SUPREME COURT JUSTICE OF JACK SHIT.